Time heals all wounds, but the scars remain. I don’t like to live in the past, I want to believe in the present and hope for the future, but the past is a part of my existence and often keeps me wide awake at night. When I close my eyes the memories only comes stronger and suddenly my whole body seems to shake and something inside me hurts so bad I end up crying.
My mother was a stranger someone whom I had never connected with, I only had her photographs and personal items, yet I always felt that had my mother not died at childbirth, then surely my life would have been so much better. My father was kind but entirely devoid of parenting abilities and had married again so I started to live with my aunt Sabitri and became my guardian thereafter. My father provided me money at times and aunt Sabitri took care of it and also gave me the things only a woman could give, maternal affection and guidance and a whole lot of love. It seemed like my life was set for a happy start after a tragic beginning, but instead things only got worse.
Aunt Sabitri’s husband Gopal was an absolute brute. He was tall, burly, loud and an alcoholic. When I was still a baby I never understood why my aunt’s face was always swollen or bloody or why my father never came to visit except on a few special days and aunt Sabitri looked so radiantly blissful in her father’s presence. Uncle Gopal also became sober and bizarrely attentive towards her. Then as I got older, I became more aware of my situation. My uncle never let me play outside, my aunt hardly smiled, she was too busy covering her wounds and after my father had a new son, and his visits became less frequent till they stopped altogether.
However, aunt Sabitri could tolerate whatever he did to her as long as he stayed away from me, but one night he came home drunk and hit me very hard then he pulled me towards him and started touching on my private parts. He dragged me to his room and abused me sexually. I was terrified and confused. I was only 15 years old.
I never told my aunt because I feared that my aunt would retaliate and end up getting mauled to death. Uncle Gopal would look at her with the eyes of a man who has sold his soul and every time he touched her I was filled with disgust and flinched. Soon it became a daily routine for uncle Gopal. He would silently creep into the room and rape me furiously threatening to kill me if I told anyone. I thought of God and my father, and that would help a bit but eventually I would have to face the trauma and the depths of misery a normal person cannot even fathom. I felt like a lost princess trapped in a tower, but whatever I was going through made hell itself seem like a fairy tale.
We didn’t have a TV so I learned about Maiti Nepal from a newspaper, one of my few sources of contact with the outside world. I formed a plan as soon as I memorized the organizations number. That night after my uncle was done abusing me I managed to get help from one of my friend and borrowed her cell phone. I first called my cousin brother Pradeep and asked him to inform Maiti Nepal about me being raped since past one year and threatening to kill her if she told anyone.
The next morning, uncle Gopal got to know that I had managed to inform my brother so he ran away from the house. He’s been disappeared since then and I asked Maiti Nepal to help me find the man who exploited me sexually and took away my virginity at an age where I was still innocent and wanted to learn and play with my friends. But my life was ruined by my own uncle.
Maiti Nepal now with the help of Kathmandu police is looking for the culprit and helping me in every possible way through its legal Aid Section.